Ruminations

Unwelcomed Visitor

Unwelcomed Visitor, originally uploaded by ~ Sailor ~.

ENOUGH!

One can bang one's head against a wall only so long until it becomes clear that stopping is the only solution. No more head banging. No more trying. No more comforting or understanding.

I choose not to bang my head against a wall. If you wish to continue to do so, then have at it.

I have things to to do.

Unwelcomed Visitor

Unwelcomed Visitor, originally uploaded by ~ Sailor ~.

ENOUGH!

One can bang one's head against a wall only so long until it becomes clear that stopping is the only solution. No more head banging. No more trying. No more comforting or understanding.

I choose not to bang my head against a wall. If you wish to continue to do so, then have at it.

I have things to to do.

Love is all...

Love is all..., originally uploaded by ~ Sailor ~.

All consuming,
All powerful,
All truth,
All lies,
All weakness,
All is love...

Blue moon...

Blue moon..., originally uploaded by ~ Sailor ~.

Blue Moon
You saw me standing alone
Without a dream in my heart
Without a love of my own
Blue Moon
You know just what I was there for
You heard me saying a prayer
For Someone I really could care for

And then
there suddenly appeared before me
The only one my arms will hold I heard
somebody whisper please adore me
And when I looked to the Moon it turned to gold

Blue Moon
Now I'm no longer alone
Without a dream in my
Heart without a love of my own

And then there
suddenly appeared before me
The only one my arms will ever
Hold I heard somebody whisper please adore me
And when I looked the Moon had turned to gold

Blue moon
Now I'm no longer alone
Without a dream in my
heart
Without a love of my own

This is a joke, right??

"Grey's' doctor is in treatment"

By LYNN ELBER, AP Television Writer Tonight at 10:11 pm         

Isaiah Washington, who does the healing as a doctor on "Grey's Anatomy," is the patient now.

He's in therapy for his use of an anti-gay slur against a castmate.

"With the support of my family and friends, I have begun counseling. I regard this as a necessary step toward understanding why I did what I did and making sure it never happens again," Washington said in a statement Wednesday. "I appreciate the fact that I have been given this opportunity and I remain committed to transforming my negative actions into positive results, personally and professionally."

Washington took a break from filming Tuesday to meet with gay rights activists and offer help in educating the public about the cruelty of such words, an offer the activists called sincere.

Whether Washington was receiving outpatient counseling or had entered a facility was not specified, and the statement did not indicate whether he would miss work on the show....."

OK, it really isn't a joke. So my question is this, when are those who compared the President to  Hitler or call me and others from the South rednecks entering treatment?  Hmmmm...??? Any guesses?

Never, that is when. You see, these POS are offended ONLY when someone says something they disagree with. As long you sing their song, you can say whatever you like, trash, curse, demean, belittle anyone so long as they agree with your actions.

God help us all!!

(1-25-07 - Edited for clarity)

S.A.D.

newdrug, originally uploaded by ~ Sailor ~.

That’s me, S.A.D. Of course, if you have a bit of education you know what I mean. It is that time again, the annual wrestle with the devil. I have this fight in the short dark days, dreading it for months before the arrival of the beast. There is no avoiding it, no hiding, no way to curb the tussle. I have tried the usual remedies, lights, exercise, chemistry to no avail. So this year I will try the new drug, maybe it will tame the beast, cease the war within. I have a knot tied firmly in the end of my rope and I will not let go.

My Empire

My Empire, originally uploaded by ~ Sailor ~.

I am exhausted! Yet it is a good feeling. I have painted, cleaned, repaired, moved furniture and nearly have the place livable! I have a cottage! It has been a challenge living in a small FEMA trailer for the past 14 + months. Luckily there is only me. I pity the families of 4 or 5 who have been crammed into a livable space the size of a large office desk. The ‘beds’ are a sick joke; nothing more than a thin slab of foam on a board. There is not enough closet space for one person, let alone a family. Soon I will have a bedroom that I can actually walk in. I closet that is HUGE! A shower I can stand up in and a real office!! And the office will have a HUGE closet too!!

I lived in this cottage before, it was new then and I was the first tenant. It was 1998 I believe, several months before my divorce was final. It was a tough time for me. I wasn’t handling the divorce very well, not that I did not want to be free. My wife had moved her boy friend into our home and I was having to pay most of the bills to support me and them. I was working myself to death to keep up with all the expenses and slowing going bankrupt at the same time. It was a dark time of deep, constant depression. I wasn’t handling life very well as a matter of fact. Without the details, I will say I was involved in some the most destructive behavior of my life. Not a good thing. Fortunately, I wised up and straightened up.

So, once again, I am pooped, tuckered out, zonked, tired and sore. But things are looking up in one regard. Hopefully I will have good news from a certain young couple who looked at my listing yesterday. Maybe many other things will start to fall into place. I hope so. I need something good to happen, something big. Hell, I deserve it!

Wasting away

Wasting away, originally uploaded by ~ Sailor ~.

I’m pissed. I have wasted too much time and energy on a career change that is going nowhere in hurry. I sit here day in and day out pretending that things will be better, that the market will improve, that I can actually earn a living selling real estate. Who am I kidding? My finances are in ruins, the out look bleak for the next several months at best.

I need to focus more on my photography business and maybe a no-brainer part time job to generate a little steady income. I also need to focus less, much less on my personal life and more on survival. I hate it, but it has to be this way.

I have usually been quite disciplined in my business life. Over the past 16 months, I have become undisciplined to the point of irresponsibility. I have needs to meet; quit smoking, develop an income and stop making excuses for myself. An active and involved business life often filled the lonely hours in times past. Perhaps it will again and I can let go of some my other needs or at least miss them less.

Eye tutorial

Eye tutorial, originally uploaded by Tennessee-Gator.

Excellent little guide to improve the eyes.

I'm off to see the Wizard!

Business Card
originally uploaded by ~ Sailor ~.

OK! I have my website built, my domain name registered, I have 1000 business cards ordered and I have the necessary equipment (except for lights). So now all I need is a client base.

I talked with Tom about my plans, showed him the website and a slide show of a few of my photos. He was very impressed. He wants me to put together a slide show for the Vancleave Merchants Association. I think I will. It is the perfect opportunity to get exposure for my portrait business and, most importantly, sell real estate! I have to get myself known in the community and photography, my passion, is the vehicle for that exposure......and, I get paid for it too!

Yet, the most exciting part of all this is my best friend; she is in the business too. We share so many of the same loves; music, photography, nature, foods, art. We work well together, have an easy peace when we are together, we are comfortable with one another. I could never hope to find anyone who is so well suited to me, my 'style' and my activities. I feel incredibly lucky to have her in my life. I love her, very much.